I've spent tons of time thinking about why I had this surgery. Why couldn't I lose this weight on my own and keep it off? Am I lazy? Am I stupid? I don't think I'm either one, but these are the questions that run through my head when I'm up way too late at night, or when I wake up at 5am and can't go back to sleep, like today!
So, as I'm lying there in bed knowing that I have another whole hour that I could sleep and realizing that I'm not getting to snuggle back under the blankets, my mind is racing all over the place. How on earth did a smart, successful business woman let herself get over 350 pounds?
My jobs were always very physical, until I graduated from college. Then I immediately got a desk job and didn't add some extra activity in to make up for the calories my job didn't burn. When I started my own business, the situation got worse because I was constantly on the phone and at my desk and my physical activity dwindled further.
When it finally dawned on me what I actually weighed, I couldn't get it off by myself. I lost 50 pounds on Atkins in 2010, but packed that, plus more, back on with one round of pneumonia in early 2011. I knew it was time to do something major, and I decided that WLS was that.
So, here I am, 3 months and 3 weeks post-op and losing weight like never before. I feel better, look better and I'm working on ME. For the first time in years, my first priority daily is myself, my health and what I need. I should probably feel guilty because I'm being selfish, but I don't. Maybe that's because I know that, in order to help anyone else, I must be healthy myself.
I'm amazed at this journey I'm on and I'm looking forward to seeing where it leads me in the end! Of course, I'll keep anyone who might be reading my ramblings updated! :)